If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
