In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
