i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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