just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
