i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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