I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
