So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
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some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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