I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
