"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
