We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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