she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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