Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
