I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Everyone says I win the strip club
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
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