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I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
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If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
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Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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