i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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