Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
