I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
