You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
