Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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