I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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