Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
