you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
