who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
