so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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