i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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