I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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