Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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