I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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