i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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