in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
