Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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