Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
