Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
