I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
