hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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