the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
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Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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