Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
