I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
