Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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