also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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