Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
