a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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