my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
