well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize