so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
