i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize