you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
