i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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