When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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