What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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