i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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