best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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