dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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