the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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