i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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