is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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