U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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