omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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