I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
