I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
