I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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