don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
