hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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