She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I had to cum in my sink.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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