yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
